Relationships can be complex, but they can also be improved with small steps.
Here are 4 ways to improve your relationships today
- Listen to understand
If you want to be a good listener, focus on listening to understand what the other person is conveying to you. Many of us make the mistake of listening to respond. When we do this, we are so focused on what we want to say, that we miss the opportunity to be a good listener. Listening to understand improves your connection in your relationships.
2. Notice your partner’s bids
John Gottman defines a bid as the fundamental unit of connection. A bid is any time your partner expresses interest in you or in sharing information with you. It’s important to notice your partners bids. They are easily missed if we aren’t paying attention. The following are examples of bids for connection:
- How was your day?
- Let me tell you about my meeting
- How was your work out?
- Let’s watch a show together
- Would you like to go out to eat?
3. Use validation
Validation is so powerful in our relationships. When we are validated, we feel heard and seen. We can validate someone without having to agree with their perspective. Validation looks like:
- That sounds hard
- That is frustrating
- I hear you
- I am sorry that happened to you
- I can understand why you feel that way. That sounds hurtful / hard / difficult
4.Take responsibility
Taking responsibility is an important relationship skill. It is validating when someone acknowledges harm or hurt. Taking responsibility is an antidote to defensiveness. It is connecting and healing in a relationship when someone says:
- “I’m sorry for screaming, I need to do a better job in the morning.”
- “You’re right. I have been inpatient lately. I am going to work on it.”
- “I said some hurtful things. I am sorry.”
Modern Therapy and Wellness is a group therapy practice in the Greater New Orleans area. We provide in person services in the New Orleans area and virtual services anywhere in Louisiana. Here at MTW, we believe that all people can use therapy. We believe that therapy should be warm yet direct. We believe that people can unlearn and relearn., We believe that emotional health is just as important as physical health. We love our clients. We have therapists who focus on the following areas: relationships, chronic illness, LGBTQ concerns, addiction, eating disorders, couple’s intensive sessions, trauma, brainspotting, EMDR, anxiety, and grief. Give us a call for a free phone consultation 504-452-1483