Many couples feel like they are having the same argument over and over again.
You may notice that small disagreements quickly turn into big conflicts. Conversations that start calmly suddenly escalate. And even when you try to resolve things, the tension seems to return again and again.
One reason this happens is something relationship researchers call Negative Sentiment Override, a concept introduced by relationship researcher John Gottman.
What Is Negative Sentiment Override?
Negative sentiment override happens when the emotional tone of the relationship becomes so negative that partners begin interpreting each other’s actions through a negative lens.
In other words, even neutral or positive behaviors can start to feel upsetting or hurtful.
For example:
- A partner asking a simple question may sound like criticism
- A suggestion may feel controlling
- A neutral comment may be interpreted as sarcasm
Therapist Perspective:
“Many couples we work with aren’t actually trying to hurt each other. They’re reacting to what they think the other person meant. When negative sentiment override is present, even neutral comments can feel loaded with criticism or rejection.”
How Couples Fall Into This Pattern
Most couples don’t arrive at this dynamic overnight. It often develops slowly after repeated misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, or feeling emotionally disconnected.
Over time, partners may begin to assume the worst about each other’s intentions.
Therapist Perspective:
“Couples often tell us, ‘We didn’t used to be like this.’ That’s usually true. Most relationships start with a lot of goodwill. But when hurt builds up over time, partners begin protecting themselves by expecting disappointment.”
Signs Your Relationship May Be Experiencing Negative Sentiment Override
There are several signs couples may notice:
1. Neutral comments feel like criticism
You may find yourself reacting strongly to things that previously wouldn’t have bothered you.
2. Positive gestures don’t seem to land
Even when your partner tries to do something kind, it may feel insincere or not enough.
3. Arguments escalate quickly
Small disagreements suddenly become big emotional conflicts.
4. You assume negative intentions
Instead of giving each other the benefit of the doubt, both partners begin expecting hurt or rejection.
As one of our clinicians puts it:
“When couples get stuck in these patterns, they often believe their partner is the problem. In reality, the pattern between them has become the real issue.”
The Encouraging News
Although negative sentiment override can feel discouraging, it does not have to be permanent.
When couples learn to recognize the patterns they are stuck in, they can begin to change the emotional tone of the relationship.
One of our therapists often tells couples:
“One of the most hopeful moments in therapy is when couples realize they aren’t enemies…they’re just stuck in a pattern they didn’t know how to interrupt.”
With the right tools and support, many couples learn to slow down conflict, understand each other more deeply, and rebuild emotional safety in their relationship.
Many couples in New Orleans seek therapy when they feel stuck in the same painful arguments and want help rebuilding connection and communication. Modern Therapy and Wellness is a boutique therapy practice in New Orleans, Louisiana offering individual therapy, couples counseling, and couples intensives.
Email us at: info@moderntherapyandwellness.com